Car Dealerships Can Make You Fat...

At 8am I arrived somewhat unceramoniously at the dealership to have my car worked over, and not in a mob sort of way either, though, what they charge you is just short of extortion so really that's all a matter of interpretation...

After getting all checked in I settled into the waiting room where I was told there was free wifi. What they DON'T tell you, is that the free wifi doesn't work and it's too cold to live in the waiting room! I was in there for an hour and only 2 other people stayed in there as long as I did..the rest would leave at the first indication of frost on their lips. I would have as well, but hypothermia had already set in and it was almost another 30 minutes before I was able to move due to the body heat generated by my teeth chattering. I went outside to warm up, but the three benches were jam packed with other people waiting and warming themselves in the morning haze of humidity. I sat on the sidewalk till I got feeling back in my legs and then I started walking. I found a Panera bread 10 minutes later, which was better than I had hoped for. I was willing to settle for a library or starbux or bookstore, but Panera and I are old friends from way back when I was in the midst of my last move, so I went in, grabbed a hot latte, inquired as to when the soup would be served and settled in.

The wifi works.

The dealership called me of course 5 minutes after I sat down and ran through a list longer than Santa's naughty list of things I should have done before driving to CA or my car would surely spontaneously combust 20 minutes upon entering Death Valley. I nay sayed the $500 repair, 4 $100 repairs, 1 $120 repair and told them to replace my wiper and lightbulbs that needed done..(and tell me $35 to change a light bulb isn't extortion!) I had half a mind to break the glass with a crowbar and change it my damn self, but whatever. I okayed a couple other things because it was time etc...and hung up and immediately called The Cat in the Hat in CA and relayed the damages. He told me he expected such expenses because we'd had the car for 6 years and plan to keep it a few more and to go ahead and get it all taken care of minus one of the items on the list. I called the dealership back and gave them the green light, signing my Panera sentence for several more hours.

In the first hour sitting in the corner milking my latte for all it's worth I was approached with a mocha sample. I accepted because quite frankly, I thought they might find me peculiar if I took the lid off my latte and started licking the inside of the cup. Much to my suprise, the mocha sample was a FROZEN mocha sample. It was divine, but did nothing in the way of warming me up and I was forced to order another hot latte. Luckily by this time they had the soup ready and I was able to order a bowl of my favorite: Wild mushroom soup in a bread bowl. Damn those evil bread bowls! I love to dip the core in the soup and nibble on it...but you know...bread is the devil and I don't really eat that much so this is one of my few exceptions.

Here's a little FYI for ya...if you order a salad at Panera, it comes with a side of bread. If you order a sandwich at Panera, it comes with a side of bread. If you order soup in a bread bowl, it comes with a side of bread. That MAY just be where the Bread in Panera Bread comes from. They think highly of their bread here. I'm not a huge fan of it in any form but the bread bowl but unfortunately I forgot it came with a side and I didn't tell them to keep it before they had already put it on my plate.

While I was sipping my soup, the mocha girl came by and twiste my arm into trying the frozen lemonade even after I had declined 3 times. In order to achieve peace I accepted. It's good, but again...it's not making me any warmer! I sipped more soup and hot latte and moments later the mocha lemonade girl came by and gave me a fruit salad sample. I must say, even though it's somewhat cold, the fresh fruit was wonderful!

Now I'm almost halfway through my 3rd latte and my soup is finished and I'm so freakin' hot I'm having a hard time not ripping all my clothes off in an effort to cool down just the tiniest fraction in order to find comfort. This is crazy! So, in closing allow me to say, car dealerships can make you fat by forcing you to seek warmth and wifi in places like Panera Bread, and speaking of which, if you should turn on your evening news only to find a story about a woman in VA arrested for indecent exposure at a local eatery, please, just change the channel, it won't be pretty....